13 July 2012

Single moms....let's talk.

One day while driving along the desert highways of New Mexico on my way to Alamogordo, I listened to an old Oprah show on Oprah Radio about families going through divorce.  Some were bitter experiences, where the children could not forgive their father.  I remember one story in particular, the mother held so tightly to her children to shield them from disappointment after disappointment of their father not showing up like he said he would, leaving the children crushed.  The dad, of course, recalls a different story of the mother being totally bitter and keeping the children away from him intentionally to hurt him. (gosh that sounded familiar).

One thing stuck in my head.   It's the reason why my spirit was heavy this morning and why I needed to write this serious post today.  At the end of the day, we as parents, especially for us single mothers who are raising our children, we have to let it go and own up to our participation in how things have turned out.  We also have to realize that what comes out of our mouths flows from our hearts, and we want our children to receive pure things from our heart.

On several occasions I have vented via Twitter about some of the things I have had to go through over these past 3 years.  Without fail, I receive comments like "you shouldn't talk about this on social media" or "that's too much of your business".  My response is always very measured, so I would hope.  Everything I say is measured. There are very few people who actually know the details of what goes on day to day. Anytime I have vented has been done in a manner to prayerfully help someone else going through my situation (because let's face it - there are many of us) and to let them know, the road is not all smooth sailing, but you too are going to make it.

So back to the lesson I learned that day driving in the car.  I know kicking and screaming about what your child's father has done and may continue to do, or not do, feels good to you and helps you get it off your chest, and the sympathy you receive from others may make you feel better, but at the end of the day, remember you chose that person for one reason or another, and you have to take responsibility for that.  Your words hold power, and when you use them to tear the other parent down, you're only hurting your child.

Speaking about words and power, I realized that people will live up (or down) to the name you give them.  I know sister that it feels good in the heat of the moment to tell them how low-down, no good they are - but that is not your place.  If you keep saying it enough - that is what they will always be.  Why not use the power you have to speak life?

I say this because I'm seeing it all over the place.  I read through many of these rants on various social media outlets everyday.  I want my sisters to know - there's more to it than you trying to make yourself feel better. Do you ever feel better after one of those rants anyways?

Be focused on being the woman God has called you to be. Be focused on the precious life (lives) God has entrusted in your care. Take a deep breath and give up the right to be right. You don't need to fight anyway. Exodus 14:14.

Remember if we want our children to grow up honoring their mother and father - we have to lead by example. We have to show the world that the person is worthy of honor, because as a parent the Bible instructs us that they should be honored.  Use you tongue to shift the atmosphere around you and bring life to very dead places.  When all else fails - trust that God has the final say.

I love you all.


  1. As a child of divorced parents, I can attest to the pain words spoken about the other parent can have. And it's terrible, but I find myself at times of anger speaking of my own husband in less than stellar terms to my kids. The day I caught myself doing it was the day my son repeated what I had said, and to his father non-the-less. Children of any age are impressionable. And if we don't teach them to honor their earthly father or mother, how will they honor their Heavenly Father? My prayers are always with you, as you continue to bless others with your openness and and your wonderful spirit.

    1. Angel - thank you so much for your comment. It is so true and happens in married and divorced parenting relationships. It can be hard, especially when you feel you're the one doing everything and the other parent gets to have all the "fun". I appreciate your prayers and I pray for you as well. We are all so imperfect just seeking the One who is. Hugs lady! See you really soon!


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