Skip to main content

It's none of your business

 
 
Oh how life happens! Yesterday I wrote about other people minding their business, today I'm writing about minding my own.

Something so unexpected, so unbelievable, so unnerving happened to me yesterday evening.  What I intended to be a conversation voicing my concerns turned into a full-on assault of my character, the woman I am, and what God has brought me through.

I went to bed with it last night and woke up to it this morning.  I laughed about it. Cried about it. Surrendered it over and over again. I laid in bed and just felt like evil was trying to fester in my spirit.

Someone who should be one of the last people on the planet I have to worry about exposed to me that they have been reading my journals that I left behind.  Journals that I most likely used in my early twenties when I was discovering myself.  Journals that I probably told some of my most detailed secrets to about myself and my feelings of others at the time.  Journals that were a safe space for me to say all the things an insecure, unsure, 20-something would do.  Journals that chronicled probably some of the darkest times in my life with a failed engagement, trying to find myself after college, and then entering into a marriage that was not the best choice.  These journals tell the story of  how I became the woman I am today.

Those journals, those thoughts, feelings, imperfections so close to me, have been positioned by someone to be used against me.  In this moment, typing this, I feel tears welling in my eyes because I feel violated.  It is not even about what's in the journals.  I am sure there are some not so nice things.  I was in such a dark place during that time in my life that I couldn't celebrate anything good in anyone. I didn't like people.  I didn't love people the way I do now. The way I am able to now. 

Then I sat up in bed, and I felt like a gushing wind came over me.  God immediately started speaking to my spirit - so what if someone intends to do evil to you, I will turn it around for your good. I got this. Trust me. Do not worry.

I've felt hung-over from this whole fiasco all day.  As I searched for words to describe how I feel, I started to remember that this has absolutely nothing to do with me. It is sad that someone would feel the need to read the journal of any young woman... (I say young woman because whatever journal this is is probably from when I was 23 or 24).  They are obviously searching for an imperfection in me to validate their feeling about me and let me tell you - if it is from my early 20s - they got what they were looking for.  Secondly, the whole threat of posting my journal on Facebook...that has nothing to do with me. Everything to do with them.  At some point today I just had to snap out of it and remind myself it is none of my business.  What other's think of me doesn't deserve my energy and it is not really about me anyways.

If you've read my blog for awhile or been connected with me on Twitter for any amount of time, you know I have never professed to being perfect.  I have never acted like I don't struggle with many of the things women struggle with - insecurities, doubt, debt, flaws.  I simply know that God is greater than all of that and the work He has begun in me is greater than all of that....and there's not anything from my life I would change - even if the words I used in my own safe space are now being used against me.

It makes you look good when you avoid a fight only fools love to quarrel. -Proverbs 20:3

 
 

Comments

  1. "so what if someone intends to do evil to you, I will turn it around for your good. I got this. Trust me. Do not worry."

    God takes care of His own. I am praying for you as God uses this moment of hurt and sadness to turn it into a joyous moment!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Miss Rachel. I have been pouring a big bucket of love on that person because I can't imagine what kind of space they are in to desire to read my personal journal and then try to use it against me. I know the enemy will try to use confusion to stop God's plan...and amazingly...I'm not too worried. I appreciate your positive thoughts. Thank you.

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

CVS Game

I'm back in the game ya'll!  Back in the day when Dave and I were newlyweds and had just bought our first house, I started playing the CVS coupon game.  I was able to stock up so much that I remember coming back a year later after moving back to New Mexico and Dave still had not had to buy toilet paper!
I haven't played in a very long time because coupling takes time. Recently, I came across this great Youtube channel and it seriously inspired me to jump back in. Right now I'm only dealing with CVS, I haven't bothered to begin planning for other shopping trips.
Jumping back in hasn't been with out flaws. Last week I watched Toni's video spent Friday night printing and clipping coupons, made my list, thought I had a plan, and then woke up Saturday morning ready to go. Something didn't work just right because I ended up spending about $120 out of pocket. I did save like $50 and the good news is I earned $15 in Extra Care Bucks (ECB). So this week I was r…

A Help Meet

I write this post after much prayer and consideration about whether now is the time for me to say this.  I came across the above picture on instagram one day, and it caused my spirit to leap.  I have shared with you here my journey of going through a divorce, the challenges I have faced, my time of singlehood while healing.

I have entered a new season.  A season of studying on what it means to be a good wife.  Not just a wife by name because one wears a ring and is married to her husband, but a wife that God created us to be.  The help meet He introduced to Adam in Genesis 2.  The companion that is not just along for the ride, but the one who truly makes her husband's life better.

When I saw this picture, it personified everything I've been studying about and praying for.  To be the kind of woman who, when I'm blessed with the opportunity to be a wife again, does not just go along for the ride....but is active in keeping our marriage firmly rooted in the Word so that it c…

Colin Kaepernick is bae

I really don't need to say anymore.  
I've been saying people with a platform need to take a stand. I didn't want any Black athletes to travel to Rio for the olympics to represent the USA. I realize that is a big thing to ask. That is the dichotomy of being Black in America.  Black athletes representing a country and winning gold medals in the name of a country who doesn't fully see us. 
So Kaepernick gets all my love for taking a stand by taking his seat.  Personal protests have always been the catalyst for greater awareness and action. 
Let me tell you a quick story. This summer at our Scentsy convention, Orville gave a moving and authentic speech that touched on the current times. I could see how he genuinely felt about what he was saying. There was a moment where this quote by a Scentsy consultant's husband was placed on the screen. I realized when he said "he's Black", everyone remained seated, but when he said "and he's a cop" eve…