05 October 2013

Feeling sorry

Lately I've been feeling a bit sorry for myself. It feels like these past 5 years have sped by and here I am just under 12 months away from turning 30 and I feel like I'm feeling pressure that I'm supposed to be in a certain position by then.

I think I certainly took the steps in my early 20s to build the vision for where I was supposed to be by the time I turned 30. If that was the case I'd be well settled into our mortgage on the house, Munchkin would probably have a sibling by now, presumably I'd feel like I was where I'd plan to be by the time I'm 30.

Lately, even though I'm totally happy, the reality of being sidetracked or rerouted has had me feeling anxious, scared, and a little sad.

Tonight, while in the shower, a song titled "You are God Alone" came on. I stood under the water with raised hands and started crying. Here I am. Worried. Scared. Anxious and God isn't concerned about any of that. To Him 40 years is but 1 hour. He is the Author of Time. The Maker of all things new. He who Was, and Is, and Is to come. What am I worrying about?

Tonight I surrender my worry. I surrender my comparison of the past and I pick up trusting The Lord. I pick up the promise that nothing is lost in Him and He can and will do all that He has promised. I lay down my anxiousness and sadness and pick up His Goodness. I look forward to my 40 years being but 1 hour.  He is God alone.

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