I laid in bed with the covers over my mouth and silently wept. Lord I've been in this place too long and I'm ready to move on. The next morning after I dropped my son off to school, I sobbed out loud. Lord, why?
That's where I've been the past two months, with intermittent moments of encouraging myself and making peace that I'll be ok.
This morning I woke up and in the middle of my writing I thought "you are amazing." It wasn't a pep talk moment to get me going. It was a moment where my soul spoke. As if it peeked around the corner making sure it was ok to come out from hiding in all my hurt. It was as if everything in me was standing at attention to acknowledge the moment I allowed myself to hear "you are amazing."
A dear friend told me a few weeks ago, "Niecy, you are choosing your suffering." I received those words, and my soul has been waiting patiently for me to let it go.
It is hard for anyone to believe that I have moments where speaking up is extremely difficult for me. I can write all day long. Text. Email. Blog. I express myself in writing so well. Yet when it comes time to speak my truth - I sometimes shy away from it all.
Today I wrote in my journal "I need to start giving my voice a chance." My voice. Not just my words but my voice. Today I need to start getting comfortable with speaking my truth.
Shortly after I wrote this post, a friend posted the following on instagram. It felt good with the release my soul was standing up for this morning.