It has been hard. Fighting for any bit of joy to get through my days. Oh how I remember this feeling. It hurts.
Yet there are some important lessons that being broken wide open has taught me:
1. God is real in my life. He was there the last time. He was there this time. He will be there the next time.
2. I was made to love. Deeply. Passionately. Loyally. Full on. It's the only way I'm willing to love. I am grateful for the way I love. I'm grateful that I do love. I'm grateful that I will love.
3. I have amazing friends. When I walked through my divorce, I was just a baby in my early twenties. My friends were super supportive, but I was the first to get married, the first to have a kid, the first to go through this kind of heartbreak. Now that we have all matured, my friends have experienced their own heartbreaks at one time or another, and their support has been unreal.
4. I will love - again and again. I am so proud of my heart. Even though it's been completely broken wide open, it is brave and will keep loving, again and again. You have to be willing to sit with the pain and brokenness for a while to honor the way love showed up for you. I could easily tell a story in my head, take my attention elsewhere, or hurry the process, but that wouldn't honor the amazing work love did. I won't shortchange my heart just to get over it. I will choose to sit with my heart. Even when it hurts.
I'm sure out of this will come many lessons I learn along the way that I'll share. I honestly never expected to be in this place again. I was good. Living happily focused completely on my son. Praying for God to keep me hidden until my prepared one was ready. Remember? So I'm finding my way back to what this all means again. I'm trusting God even more.
Love is a beautiful adventure and worth daring for. Great love takes great risks.