28 May 2014

Maya Angelou

6:03 PM
Today we celebrate the life of a woman who changed our history forever. I don't dare attempt to be able to honor her life with my words - but something about her spirit has held me all day. She reminds me to drink a little deeper from this cup of life. It will bring your heartache, trials, and pain, but it is also full of laughter, song, and dance. I'm going to dance more.

I would like to be known as an intelligent woman, a courageous woman, a loving woman, a woman who teaches by being. Maya Angelou

Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time. Maya Angelou

The honorary duty of a human being is to love. Maya Angelou

You are enough.  You don't need another person, place, or thing to make you whole. God already did that. Your job is to know it. Maya Angelou

Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option. Maya Angelou

Listen to yourself and in that quietude you might hear the voice of God. Maya Angelou 

I don't trust people who don't love themselves and yet tell me, "I love you." There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt. Maya Angelou

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant. Maya Angelou

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. Maya Angelou

Rest well dear mother to nations. 

27 May 2014

Memorial Day Hanging

6:28 AM

We really didn't do anything spectacular for Memorial Day. This was my first weekend to squeeze in some lazy time in a long time. Except for the Blues & Brews Fest we sold Scentsy at on Sunday.  

So munchkin and I played it really low key. Then we finally got going and had a lunch date at Fuddruckers and hung out at Tingley Beach. 

This is about as beach as it gets in the Abq folks!

My son talked a lot about my grandfather Bebo yesterday. Thank you to all those who served and sacrificed.

What did you do for Memorial Day?

24 May 2014

22 May 2014

I Shall Not Be Moved

5:30 PM
I'm pretty sure by now you think I'm a complete basket case from the way my posts have gone the past few months. Let me be clear. I am.

Phew. Ok. Now that that is out the way, we can go on with today's post. 

I am a Christian. I love God with all my heart. I believe in His Word and His promises for my life. I walk in faith.

I am also a woman. A woman whose mind runs wild. Who overthinks everything and says too much. I laugh out loud and cry in private. I love life and dancing in the light but have also had some extremely dark days. I've always been a loud mouth and not so perfect child. I think I know everything and also like learning about things I don't know. I often think I'm right but generally don't have a problem admitting when I'm wrong. I've sinned. Time and time again. My life is a blueprint on how to live perfectly imperfect. I'm a mess.

About a week ago I posted this picture on Instagram because it felt so good to my soul. I'm in a season of God gently whispering to me to trust Him. My faith is being stretched beyond anything I'm comfortable with and sometimes it feels like I'm suffering silently. When I posted this I was in a strong moment of you know what, no matter these crazy feelings and thoughts I'm having, I will not be moved. (See y'all thought I post all this stuff to be preachin. Nope. I be encouraging myself).

I've been in this season for months. It's not bad. It is extremely uncomfortable. It sort of feels like every card is stacked against me. Like every thing I was walking in pure bliss over last year is being taken way. Some of my goals seem to have been kicked down the road in a game of hide and go seek. It's just been real. 

But yet He keeps whispering to me.

It doesn't help that I have been going nonstop. Between work, Scentsy, and Munchkin's activities, there has been absolutely no chill. It doesn't look like it will slow down anytime soon either. (Not complaining, I'm grateful). All of this however led to a straight up kicking and screaming breakdown yesterday. I withdrew. I spilled out. I moved.

I didn't waiver that God is working things out I can't see but I did get tired of waiting. I took things into my own hands - well you know - I thought what I was doing was going to make me feel better or make something move. Of course we know, God is not moved by my tantrums. Have you ever been there? 

So instead of calling myself the biggest hypocrite in the world that a week after standing in resolve that I will not be moved, I give myself some grace (which doesn't always flow freely from me to me), and admit that sometimes I find myself totally moved - by my feelings, by my emotions, by my unbelief. I am not moved, however, that I trust and serve a God who is not moved. It has nothing to do with me.

So, today I'm back standing on His word. Believing in His promises. Trying to be stronger in my faith and trust Him with every fiber of my being. At the end of the day y'all - I'm just a messed up basket case. Thank God He is in control. 

11 May 2014


4:40 PM

Happy Mother's Day!  I always talk about celebrating today not because we give the flower shops ton of money, but because I think we should celebrate each other as women every single day.  For rising. For pouring ourselves out. For doing. For being.  Our crown may slide from side to side, but it never falls.

This year I had to be really intentional about entering this day with joy.  Last year, I received a gift that made me extremely happy.   I looked for them yesterday...and the flowers didn't come this year.  I had already set a very strong intention that even if they didn't come, I get to live with the best gift every single day.  They didn't come.

I woke up this morning full of joy.  I am so grateful for this life.  My son is so full of life. So happy. So healthy.  I also realized that if I wanted flowers today, there was nothing wrong with me getting them for myself.  After all, it is our own responsibility to tend to our happiness. To be busy about creating it day by day.

So after church we stopped at Anthropologie and I picked up a new monogrammed mug.  I was going to get the "N" but Munchkin was adamant that I get the "M" for mom.  See how God works in such gentle ways.  The most important person in my life calls me Mom.  That beats any flowers on the door step or any other material gifts of this world.

I picked up some gorgeous hydrangeas from Trader Joes, stuck the precious flower my son gave me at church, and created a little arrangement of pretty.  

Today has been a remarkable day.  Our First Lady spoke on Defining Moments and the one thing that has resonated in my heart all day is that I am letting go of the things behind me and looking forward to the things ahead! Hallelujah!

Stop waiting for people to send you flowers or throw you a party or to celebrate you.  You celebrate you.  Don't get mad when people don't get the memo that you are in need of celebrating you.  Treat yourself to simple things.  There is nothing wrong with making yourself feel good about you.
 Just as I am every year, my heart and mind are with those friends who are waiting to be moms or who have lost their moms.  Today I am reminded of Hannah. God will fulfill His promise. It will not return void.  Thank you for being remarkable and supportive. Keep your crown on.

05 May 2014

My favorite banana "ice cream"

1:51 AM

I LOVE ice cream. What it does to the pooch on my stomach, not so much.

So I've started making a great alternative, which I actually happen to think is so good it's now my first choice ::say bye bye second place::.

You know those ugly bananas that are starting to darken on the peel? That's actually when bananas are most nutrient packed. I can't eat just a banana. Yuck. I love banana flavored treats though. Those dark bananas are perfect for banana bread and ice cream!

Whenever we have bananas getting dark - I'm purposely not saying going bad - I peel them, put them in a ziplock bag, and stick them in the freezer. When I am ready for ice cream, I take two bananas, a splash of almond milk, a dab of vanilla extract, and a squirt of honey. Blend blend blend.

Once all smooth and creamy you can eat as is or have fun and add a few choice toppings. My favorite pictured here are roasted walnuts and some melted speculoos cookie butter from TJ's.


04 May 2014

Mommy Guilt

5:37 AM

Perhaps I naively always thought my son wouldn't notice that his cousins and friends have siblings. I mean - like our ratio is pretty good. My sister and brother -in-law have 2 kids so they're striking the same ratio as Munchkin and me. 

But he has noticed. And he tells everyone.

For a few weeks now he's told me almost everyday that he's praying for a baby brother or sister.  Well that may be all cute and endearing when you're happily married and choosing not to try and conceive. It's a whole different level of guilt when you're single and don't know when you will remarry or have another child. 

I'm generally not one to sit in guilt very long - but this one is one I have no control over. Zero. I can't fix it.

So I laugh it off because honestly, Munchkin is everything I prayed for.  Do I desire to have more children? Absolutely.  Have I started doing the math of "ok...so if I had a baby in 20xx, Munchkin would be x years old. When he is 17, his baby brother or sister will be xx." Yep...I do that.

I recently saw a friend who married a wonderful woman and has made her son his son.  He proudly wore a shirt that said "Coach" from his son's team he was coaching.  I thought silently to myself "Lord, when does my son get that?" 

It wasn't a jealous prayer. It was just one of those silent whispers between God and I of my heart's desire. 

I love my current ratio of Munchkin and me.  We've been together the past 5 years...can you believe it? (He turns 6 next month).  I am grateful for every moment of our life...but in my spirit...I feel myself desiring more.  I feel myself wanting to have an answer when he asks "when?"  

Then I find myself crying on our Munchkin and me date watching Spider Man 2. When he says "maybe we're not on different paths. You are my path." I mean really?! What the heck!?

This is a big step for me.  I think in the past I have been afraid to say "hey, I'm ready for marriage and to build our family again."  I know the way God has lined things up that He is doing a major work in me.  There's some lesson I needed to learn.


What season are you in where God is planting desires in your spirit and making you wait for them all at the same time?  

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