28 July 2014

His Correction

6:27 AM

I get moved by emotions.  It is true.  Despite my daily desire to seek God about everything concerning my life, I am still moved by my emotions.  It is not very pretty.  

It usually looks like this:

A situation I am praying about doesn't turn out the way I desire for it to turn out.  In fact, something happens or is said that causes me to be extremely upset and not hold my tongue.  In the past few weeks and months it has shown up by me sending a stream of texts letting out how I really feel about a situation.  Emotions. Moved.

One of the best things about having a relationship with God and really listening for His voice is that just like we do in our relationships, He will show you yourself.  He is not impressed with my emotional reactions that come from places of hurt and fear because He is in control.  So He shows me myself.  He teaches me through His word and His whispers that it is better to drop a matter before a dispute breaks out (Proverbs 17:14).

The other morning after being totally moved by emotions, I felt Him wake me early in the morning and ask me if I was ready to learn the lesson of it all.  To stop being moved by my emotions and to stand on what I know to be true.  It is easy to be moved by our emotions.  To want to prove our point. Defend our case.  It is all pointless though because in the end...God is still in control.  I am so ready to stand on His truth. To know He allows everything to happen in my life and is working all things for my good.  I want to be moved by that truth today.

20 July 2014

16 July 2014

14 July 2014


6:52 PM

A few weeks ago I read a blog post about the disservice single black women have done themselves (we'll just keep it short and say #sbw for this post).  I cannot remember where I read the post, so if you know, please send it to me so I can link it here.  Basically, the author was saying that because there has been so much talk about the single black woman and the apparent lack in men to date and marry these #sbw's, overdegreed #sbw's, underdegreed men, etc., etc., that we have created a climate of hostility for men to approach us.  Obviously you can tell by how much my synopsis is lacking that I didn't read the full article.

Fast forward a few weeks to a conversation I had with someone who I value dearly and who I enjoy having engaging, although not always agreeable, conversations with.  He was telling me how he was over the story of #sbw getting mad when men are not ready to settle down and commit, or "threatening" to date white men because black men weren't worth it, so on and so on.  My reaction in this conversation and generally any other time a conversation about #sbw comes up is almost non-existent.  I am single. I am black. I am a woman.  Yet I don't identify with what society has now defined, or as  in the article I mentioned at the beginning of this post we have defined, as the #sbw.  It is almost like I have this conversation from the outside looking in because society tells us the #sbw is just waiting to meet a man and get married and the apparent shortage of these said men has created a hunger games-esque prowl.  I don't buy it. Maybe it's because I've been married. Maybe because I'm busy raising my little boy.  Maybe it's because I've always been open to interracial dating. My first boyfriend in the sixth grade was Mexican-American for goodness sake!

As I walked away from this conversation, I started to get bothered by it.  You see, in my opinion it's dangerous.  It is a slippery slope.  Like there is a perception that there's this vast pool of #sbw just waiting to be married.  It feels dangerous to me because it creates this dating culture where men can have a woman, be in love with her, find all the qualities and values they would love in a wife and mate, and yet be willing to trade that all in for a date on Friday night.

This perceived perception of the #sbw creates a dating culture that has tried to devalue women who have strived to achieve their own goals and desire to be married at some point.  It has tried to cast us in a pool of other #sbw and say.."hey, take your pick."  

We have to know our worth, not in a stuck-up, too-good kind of way, but to know that if what we want is to be married, we will wait for it.  I know what I bring in a partnership to my mate.  I know the value of that.  I know the worth of my crown.  There is no blog article that can group me in the false pretense of vastness that is perceived.  There is a queen in you.

Keep your crown on.

13 July 2014


4:12 PM

Last weekend while visiting the East Coast I hosted a celebration brunch for all my girlfriends who have become sisters over the past decade. From April to August we all turn 30 and I couldn't think of any other way I would want to celebrate than with them.

My dear friend Les is a phenomenal cook. I'm not exaggerating. Like if I had a million dollars I would beg her to allow me to open up a restaurant in Manhattan for her. She's that kind of amazing. I was originally planning to host the brunch at a restaurant in Baltimore but as I started thinking about it,  I hated the idea of us getting together for a few hours and then having to leave right away. So I asked Les if she'd cook and have it at her house and like the friend she is she said "of course."

Her menu planning was on point.

The actual food. To die for. Like - I literally snatched the last crab cake out of Yvonne's hand.

I don't think anyone can truly understand what friendship with these ladies means to me. I've always said my friends after college know me as who I am now, but these girls, they know me from the days of rocking a fuzzy pink Kangol hat and pink Lugz boots. They KNOW me.

I'm just so honored to be aligned with such amazing women. Educators, corporate America, law, nursing, on and on and on. These women are amazing.

My roommate from senior year came from New York. Thanks Katie! I haven't seen her since graduation. She reminded me in the cards we wrote for each other that we met in an elevator headed to Sociology and I commented on her earrings. She brought me a pair from Canal street the next time she went home and that's how our friendship kicked off.

We don't talk every day,  I live 2,000 miles away, but when we get together it's like we've never skipped a beat. We have the cutest babies now in our clan, relationships have come and gone, and we've still stuck around.

I even met one of my Scentsy sisters and her precious baby bug Laila! We've been sharing this journey for the past two years and finally got the chance to hug! Thanks for stopping by Tamara!

Just reflecting on the day and the past decade with these ladies makes my heart overflow with gratitude. Life is meant to be shared and lived and loved. Thank you ladies for doing it with me.

Thirty is here!  Cheers to the best years of our lives! 

01 July 2014

A lesson on faith

8:50 PM

I read these words on a friend's status this morning and they wrecked me. I had just finished my coffee with Christ and was praying for The Lord to have His way over a very specific circumstance as well as over my life totally. I wrote how I woke up and "my mind wants to worry but my spirit is at peace in You." Reading these words on her status took what I was feeling and stretched it into the perfect words.

The Lord knows I have prayed some desperate prayers.  Some very anxious prayers.  I've made promises for exhage of some answered prayers.  I've tried to bargain with God and make my emotions move Him. Yet He has always remained steady. Unmoved.  

This message brought peace to my world. It actually made me feel quite childish when I visualized all of my temper tantrum prayers I have prayed begging God to please move in my favor. God doesn't speak tantrum. He speaks faith.

I experienced one of the best times in His presence today while driving to work, no radio, just me and Him. It wasn't recorded in a journal, it wasn't formal, it was just me and Him face to face. For the first time, probably in my life, I felt like I spoke to God in pure faith. I laid it at His feet and know what He chooses to do with it is what is best for me. I trust Him. I trust Him.

These words changed me today.  Instead if being led by emotion, I want to be led by faith. That confident assurance that even if He doesn't answer the way I'm praying for Him to answer it, He will do even better.


Love Letter Day 12

6:02 AM

Thank you for caring. Thank you for walking around with a passion in your eyes for what is good. You have such a fight in you for the good in the world that when you perceive an injustice it literally makes you sick. I love that dedication and passion within you. Keep fighting for what you believe in.

The world will try to label you because of what you believe and the work you've been called to so. Let them. I love that you are so clear on who you are and what you were put here on earth to do. Don't ever become hardened by this world. Your gentleness strengthens your fight.


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