Have you ever found yourself completely undone? You look up and find yourself bowed down in worship in your kitchen over a hot skillet while making your child a grilled cheese sandwich? Bowed down because in that moment...the thought of looking God in His face after the mess you've made of things seems completely unthinkable?
No. Good for you.
For those of you who nodded your head emphatically yes when I asked if you've ever been undone...this message is for you.
I've been there. I am there. My moves from glory to glory are visited by God's stretching me. Pulling me to trust Him deeper. Completely spilling out. The only thing I'm left with is to bow down and find Him. Undone undone.
My shell cracking usually looks like a situation I have trusted God for...whether to provide, to heal me, or to change things presenting itself as exactly the opposite of what I'm believing God for. This unraveling can leave me feeling ready to bail. To run and try to save things. To pull out my best game to finish strong. Yet I know even with my best attempt...if I want to get where I know ultimately God wants me to be...this painful cracking must happen. Many times I hold on, trying to hold it all together. Making the pain of transforming more intense.
At some point I stop fighting and let it happen.
It's then that I find myself with tears streaming down my face dripping in a hot skillet of cheese. It's at this moment where I know the pain of resisting the undoing is far greater than just being completely undone. Do you get me?
I'm sharing this because I know I'm not alone. I know there is one person who needs permission to just let it go. Let it all spill out. Let the process do it's work. Here you go.
My son walked in the kitchen and saw me with tears streaming down my face, completely undone and asked "mom, what's wrong." To those on the outside, the undoing seems all wrong. Bad. To the one being undone...you know it's all right.
If nothing else I'm here to say...it is ok to be undone. Completely.