I've been on one this week. I stepped high onto my pulpit. My heart is burdened with the desire to spread God's love to make sure women understand their full worth and don't settle, by any means necessary, for less than God's best. It's turning into one of my greatest missions.
I've been sitting back doing a lot of observing lately. Putting the puzzle pieces together to make sense of it. Make sense of why I had to walk through some things myself to be able to deliver this message. Why I had to walk through heartbreak, confusion, and less than God's best to understand that I will no longer settle for anything less than God's best for me. In fact, I won't even entertain it.
So I've been watching. You know what I've been noticing? When we settle for less, we get less. When we compromise, there's no limit on how much we will excuse. We'll deal with the less, because we bargained a starting point that was less than God's desire for us to begin with.
On my heart lately has been the reality that often times we enter into committed relationships under less than ideal circumstances. Life's situations cause us to desire more from a relationship or make us feel we are making the situation right by doing the right thing. I know it because I did it. On October 31, 2007, I found out I was pregnant. On November 24, 2007, D and I got engaged, and on January 12, 2008 we were married. D and I had been dating for the past three years starting in undergrad, and called off an engagement in 2006 because I had learned he was cheating on me, and he had just returned back from play professional basketball in Denmark for a year when we reconnected in Fall of 2007. We were kinda sorta in a relationship and then when we found out we were having a child, decided the right thing to do would be to get married. Not ideal. Not committed. Not sure. Simply put, not God's best.
I see this all the time now. Whether the gift of a baby on the way or a heart conviction that you're not going to continue in a relationship without the certainty that you are the only one, for whatever reason when we decide we deserve the commitment, it can feel forced. It can feel uncertain. It feels unsure.
I stepped on my pulpit this week on instagram and said you deserve to be with someone who doesn't have to break someone else's heart just to be with you. You do. You deserve to be the one. The only. No questions. No reservations. A steady gaze. All eyes on you. I believe it. I believe your worth is so grand in the eye of God that that is what you deserve. I believe when God chooses to introduce you to your prepared one, there will be no question. No misconception. No gray areas. God is not a God of confusion. He is certain.
I see your eyes rolling and you thinking "yeah...yeah" under your breath. I get it. I'm not sure I've ever been in a relationship where I haven't settled. Even after waiting 4 years after my separation to even consider dating again, I still settled for less than God's best. The only reason this message is implanted in my heart is because it is my message.
Here's what is on my heart and in my spirit. You, me, we, deserve a love that is certain. Don't give me someone who is out talking to everybody. Who is playing the field to see what the best option for him is. No. I'm not an option. I know people think I'm crazy when I say I don't date, I wait, but I'm serious. Dating is not for me. Being an option to see if this thing is going to work out is not for me. I rather live and be content with all that I have and all that God is preparing me for and wait for the one He is preparing for me to be ready, fully baked. What do I look like out trying to find the one God should be preparing for me and preempting God and trying to move things too quickly? Ya'll know I don't want a half-baked blessing.
I'm reading Have a Little Faith by Mitch Albom right now and the passage above left me nodding my head saying "yes yes" in my head. He asked the rabbi about marriage and the rabbi told the above story. He knew when he saw his wife that he had found a good thing. There weren't questions. There was no putting her on a shelf. He knew she was the one and he chose her. Just as he asked her to remain single for him, he didn't go out entertaining other options, risking his choice, while he asked her to wait. That's the love I want. The one that is certain. Sure. That chooses me.
We also deserve a love that is prepared for us. I truly believe that just as God is preparing us for all He has created us to be, He is preparing our potential mate for all He created him to be. He can can't choose us and know when God is presenting him His prepared one if he's busy entertaining other options. I don't want someone who has to break someone else's heart to be with me. That's not certain love. That's not ready love. No one wins.
So what's the answer then? Wait. As Dr. Myles Munroe wrote in his book Single, Married, Separated, and Life After Divorce, "unmarried Christians should be so consumed by God and His will, so preoccupied and committed to finding out who they are in Him, that they are not distracted by the search for other people. You can spend so much time looking for who you want that you have no time to be who you are."
Who are you as a person living fully for God? Who are you living fully on purpose for who God created you to be? Who are you just being by yourself? Do you even know? How will you ever know if your view is so clouded by earthly distractions disguised as dates?
I want more for you. I want more for me. I want all that God has for me. Fully packaged and prepared just for me.
I'm choosing to wait.
Don't excite love, don't stir it up, until the time is ripe - and you're ready.
Song of Soloman 2:7