Skip to main content

My son is now a big brother


My ex-husband welcomed another child to the world last weekend. My son is now a big brother. It's something I've known was coming since Christmas. It's something people don't talk about. 

I don't know why. I don't want to live a life unaffected. Journeying through as if major life events don't take my breath away, knock me to my knees, whimpering in bed at night. Life affects me.

I remember when David told me he was having another baby. It felt like a life sentence.  I remember abandoning prayers that although separated, our family unit would remain intact. I remember staying silent because it wasn't my story to tell. I remember wearing the narrative like a heavy coat.  

I cried. I was mad. Sad. Confused. Angry. 
Affected. Why don't people talk about this? 

Then one day I woke up at peace. I'm never afraid to do my work. To find the place where love abides.  I recognize that we are always, in all ways, healing. Yet this was something I didn't want to have to do. I shouldn't have to do this. Grace doesn't happen overnight.

I don't know why we don't talk about this.

I see the "likes" and "congratulations" and wonder if people have any idea what it takes to get here. If they have any idea the impact this has on a family.  

The deep feelings that the world, my world, looks past the affect life has on you. It's like we're all just trying to keep ourselves safe from the trueness of ourselves. Like if we can just look past the process of the journey we don't have to face that it exists. Don't look past my pain...see me in it. 

We welcomed a new life into our world last weekend. We are in love already and I want him to have a beautiful life.


Comments

  1. This is so profound and powerfully accurate! We don't talk about it because no one wants to see how life affects us. How ugly truths become hidden in false content. You amaze me. Grace maybe doesn't come over night and it's so hard to make the journey gracefully...but you do it. And your family will ultimately reap the blessings in your truth!! Xoxo thank you ....for sharing! !

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you so much for this... Life being hard is all about life being real. Thank you & God Bless you!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

CVS Game

I'm back in the game ya'll!  Back in the day when Dave and I were newlyweds and had just bought our first house, I started playing the CVS coupon game.  I was able to stock up so much that I remember coming back a year later after moving back to New Mexico and Dave still had not had to buy toilet paper!
I haven't played in a very long time because coupling takes time. Recently, I came across this great Youtube channel and it seriously inspired me to jump back in. Right now I'm only dealing with CVS, I haven't bothered to begin planning for other shopping trips.
Jumping back in hasn't been with out flaws. Last week I watched Toni's video spent Friday night printing and clipping coupons, made my list, thought I had a plan, and then woke up Saturday morning ready to go. Something didn't work just right because I ended up spending about $120 out of pocket. I did save like $50 and the good news is I earned $15 in Extra Care Bucks (ECB). So this week I was r…

A Help Meet

I write this post after much prayer and consideration about whether now is the time for me to say this.  I came across the above picture on instagram one day, and it caused my spirit to leap.  I have shared with you here my journey of going through a divorce, the challenges I have faced, my time of singlehood while healing.

I have entered a new season.  A season of studying on what it means to be a good wife.  Not just a wife by name because one wears a ring and is married to her husband, but a wife that God created us to be.  The help meet He introduced to Adam in Genesis 2.  The companion that is not just along for the ride, but the one who truly makes her husband's life better.

When I saw this picture, it personified everything I've been studying about and praying for.  To be the kind of woman who, when I'm blessed with the opportunity to be a wife again, does not just go along for the ride....but is active in keeping our marriage firmly rooted in the Word so that it c…

Colin Kaepernick is bae

I really don't need to say anymore.  
I've been saying people with a platform need to take a stand. I didn't want any Black athletes to travel to Rio for the olympics to represent the USA. I realize that is a big thing to ask. That is the dichotomy of being Black in America.  Black athletes representing a country and winning gold medals in the name of a country who doesn't fully see us. 
So Kaepernick gets all my love for taking a stand by taking his seat.  Personal protests have always been the catalyst for greater awareness and action. 
Let me tell you a quick story. This summer at our Scentsy convention, Orville gave a moving and authentic speech that touched on the current times. I could see how he genuinely felt about what he was saying. There was a moment where this quote by a Scentsy consultant's husband was placed on the screen. I realized when he said "he's Black", everyone remained seated, but when he said "and he's a cop" eve…